In a stroke of change, something I rarely embrace, I finally let (read: forced) myself to remove my old college home from my residence on facebook. My first thought involved feeling entirely too dependent on technology, while my second centered on forward motion.
I hate change.
I'm bad at change.
Change must be embraced.
Moving into a new phase of life is scary; especially when that chapter was the best you've known up until this point. But, it is unfair to my current life chapter to expect it to live up to the previous if I am unwilling to embrace it as I did college. While this chapter is different, terrifying, and frankly unwelcome, it seems the only way for this phase to have a chance is to allow college to be in the past, while honoring how meaningful it was to me.
2010/10/07
2010/09/13
7:54 am. 5/15/10
after refusing to acknowledge my own alarms snooze for the last 3 7-minute intervals, the acceptance that my roommate would not soon be turning hers off finally roused me from my escape. tumbling out of my bed, i turn the curling iron on before crawling into the shower. before i can dampen my hair, all of my roommates are running around the house, shouting, panicking. we are 22 years old, and this is our graduation day.
i don't know how it got here so quickly, to be honest. i remember the saturday morning, now nearly four years ago, when i led the way to Wright Hall in my rusted out navy pathfinder, affectionately called "basil" until it finally croaked one summer break. mom and dad followed closely behind, and within minutes both our cars had been emptied and all my possessions were in a 12x10 room that i would share with the coldest natured human being i have ever met for the next 9 months.
but that was in the past. now, i was focused on ironing the belt for my dress, having a quick "graduation morning shot" with hailey, and running out the door to embrace the slogan of our soon-to-be-alma mater: FROM HERE TO ANYWHERE!
--
9:32 pm 8/31/10
As it turns out, "ANYWHERE," happened to be two miles down the road from my college house. Graduation came and went, and took with it four of my closest friends to remote corners of the U.S. Over a recent dinner, I explained this unnatural situation as your home being picked up and moved away from you, even though you're in the same place.
after refusing to acknowledge my own alarms snooze for the last 3 7-minute intervals, the acceptance that my roommate would not soon be turning hers off finally roused me from my escape. tumbling out of my bed, i turn the curling iron on before crawling into the shower. before i can dampen my hair, all of my roommates are running around the house, shouting, panicking. we are 22 years old, and this is our graduation day.
i don't know how it got here so quickly, to be honest. i remember the saturday morning, now nearly four years ago, when i led the way to Wright Hall in my rusted out navy pathfinder, affectionately called "basil" until it finally croaked one summer break. mom and dad followed closely behind, and within minutes both our cars had been emptied and all my possessions were in a 12x10 room that i would share with the coldest natured human being i have ever met for the next 9 months.
but that was in the past. now, i was focused on ironing the belt for my dress, having a quick "graduation morning shot" with hailey, and running out the door to embrace the slogan of our soon-to-be-alma mater: FROM HERE TO ANYWHERE!
--
9:32 pm 8/31/10
As it turns out, "ANYWHERE," happened to be two miles down the road from my college house. Graduation came and went, and took with it four of my closest friends to remote corners of the U.S. Over a recent dinner, I explained this unnatural situation as your home being picked up and moved away from you, even though you're in the same place.
2010/08/24
a bowl full of nerves.
I know people tend to use the word 'basket' when referring to what they store their antsy feelings in - i too have used the phrase for years, but it just didn't feel right when i said it earlier today. When I imagine what nerves must look like, I confess that my first visual is of a rather small version of ground beef. And of course the idea of ground beef in a basket is simply absurd. Swap the basket for a bowl though, and you're cooking - perhaps literally.
* For the record, I don't have a basket or a bowl of nerves at the moment.
I know people tend to use the word 'basket' when referring to what they store their antsy feelings in - i too have used the phrase for years, but it just didn't feel right when i said it earlier today. When I imagine what nerves must look like, I confess that my first visual is of a rather small version of ground beef. And of course the idea of ground beef in a basket is simply absurd. Swap the basket for a bowl though, and you're cooking - perhaps literally.
* For the record, I don't have a basket or a bowl of nerves at the moment.
2010/08/19
Taking the long way to Monday.
It wasn't until I entered the workforce that I came to admire the long weekend. Flying north for the weekend, I'm terribly excited to have Friday off! I've never been to Michigan before, so I'm looking forward to a few adventures. Namely sightseeing in Ann Arbor (and going to the H&M!).
It wasn't until I entered the workforce that I came to admire the long weekend. Flying north for the weekend, I'm terribly excited to have Friday off! I've never been to Michigan before, so I'm looking forward to a few adventures. Namely sightseeing in Ann Arbor (and going to the H&M!).
2010/08/18
Rain, Rain: Nashville drivers, you suck.
Well, it's official! I got into my first out-the-car-window verbal argument yesterday on my evening commute! I'll spare you the name-calling details, but suffice to say, I am ruthless when it comes to letting in those drivers who think they can skip to the front of a line via the turn lane, then sneak in at the very front. Regardless, my ultra-lengthy commute yesterday caused my roommate to hear my 30 minute rant on the horrors of Nashville drivers and their inability to maneuver a vehicle in poor weather conditions. I mulled over the same thoughts this morning, before ultimately deciding that the entire motorway probably was thinking the same thing. This was evidenced once I got into work and our clients began trickling in, all with horror stories of why they were late. We all like to think that we are the exception when in these situations, but truth be told, we're all pretty bad. I might have triumphed in the Battle of Last Minute Merging, but failed in the simple role of not blocking the intersection five minutes later.
Well, it's official! I got into my first out-the-car-window verbal argument yesterday on my evening commute! I'll spare you the name-calling details, but suffice to say, I am ruthless when it comes to letting in those drivers who think they can skip to the front of a line via the turn lane, then sneak in at the very front. Regardless, my ultra-lengthy commute yesterday caused my roommate to hear my 30 minute rant on the horrors of Nashville drivers and their inability to maneuver a vehicle in poor weather conditions. I mulled over the same thoughts this morning, before ultimately deciding that the entire motorway probably was thinking the same thing. This was evidenced once I got into work and our clients began trickling in, all with horror stories of why they were late. We all like to think that we are the exception when in these situations, but truth be told, we're all pretty bad. I might have triumphed in the Battle of Last Minute Merging, but failed in the simple role of not blocking the intersection five minutes later.
2010/08/11
I always thought I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. While they changed throughout the years, I always had a definite vision for my future. While my childhood dreams of becoming either a nun or Mary Tyler Moore didn't fit my decision to be a music business executive, both were there when I needed to find direction in where I was going.
For the first time in my life, I find myself with no direction. Having sworn off the business world for good, a recent NY times article caught my attention, boasting of historical preservationists fighting for a Russian monument. In the same 24 hours, I also seriously considered becoming a fashion designer, writer, anthropologist, or possibly an Eastern European scholar.
They say when you graduate from college, the world is yours for the taking. No longer hampered by the "college degree required" tag on most job listings, you are free to roam the classified in search of your dreams. Isn't life crazy though? For the first time in our lives, we experience the "true freedom," that inspired countless fights with our parents, and yet when obtained, it paralyzes us. Setting to the monumental task of answering "What do you want to be when you grow up?" definitively feels like tying yourself up with chains. Closing the door on all the other dreams we've dreamt in our life brings on a new feeling of sadness, unlike those experienced when graduating high school, moving away from home, or breaking up with your sweetheart. It, like so many current experiences, are alien to us.
For the first time in my life, I find myself with no direction. Having sworn off the business world for good, a recent NY times article caught my attention, boasting of historical preservationists fighting for a Russian monument. In the same 24 hours, I also seriously considered becoming a fashion designer, writer, anthropologist, or possibly an Eastern European scholar.
They say when you graduate from college, the world is yours for the taking. No longer hampered by the "college degree required" tag on most job listings, you are free to roam the classified in search of your dreams. Isn't life crazy though? For the first time in our lives, we experience the "true freedom," that inspired countless fights with our parents, and yet when obtained, it paralyzes us. Setting to the monumental task of answering "What do you want to be when you grow up?" definitively feels like tying yourself up with chains. Closing the door on all the other dreams we've dreamt in our life brings on a new feeling of sadness, unlike those experienced when graduating high school, moving away from home, or breaking up with your sweetheart. It, like so many current experiences, are alien to us.
What is life but a series of shuffling up and down the ladder of importance?
I still remember the first day of college. My family dropped me off at a shoddy brick dorm known as Wright Hall. As freshmen that semester, we huddled closely and didn't dare invade the space of revered seniors. Years later as a senior myself, I felt complete freedom and ownership of my soon-to-be alma mater. As a recent college graduate, I find myself once again at the bottom of the food chain, groveling at potential employer's feet for a chance to work a shitty entry-level job. And this feeling will no doubt surface again as my years progress: a newlywed, a new parent, a new mid-career worker. At some point, though, a strange reversal takes place. When you might think we would be finished with all the new kid on the block syndrome, we become out of place because of our experience, often intimidated by those younger than us who are quicker, smarter, and easily adaptable.
I still remember the first day of college. My family dropped me off at a shoddy brick dorm known as Wright Hall. As freshmen that semester, we huddled closely and didn't dare invade the space of revered seniors. Years later as a senior myself, I felt complete freedom and ownership of my soon-to-be alma mater. As a recent college graduate, I find myself once again at the bottom of the food chain, groveling at potential employer's feet for a chance to work a shitty entry-level job. And this feeling will no doubt surface again as my years progress: a newlywed, a new parent, a new mid-career worker. At some point, though, a strange reversal takes place. When you might think we would be finished with all the new kid on the block syndrome, we become out of place because of our experience, often intimidated by those younger than us who are quicker, smarter, and easily adaptable.
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